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- Sex Power

- Satisfying women: an elusive goal

- The reality of sex power


The sex power

"Sex is not a power, it's a need"

One of the biggest ironies of social manhood is that while it is made out that men's sexual drive is their power, it actually subjugates them: outwardly to women, but actually to social norms. Men are granted so much social power for proving/pretending they can satisfy women that the sex act with women in itself has come to symbolise power. So much so that the word for masculinity in Hindi, mardanigi, has become a synonym for sex power. If you talk about mardanigi, people think you are talking about the 'power' (sic) to satisfy women or even about the length of the penis.

The media and popular culture further complicate matters by giving false images of male sexual 'prowess'. Since men cannot reach those absurd standards, they end up developing complexes that affect their personality and sexual relationships. Then there are those who end up bragging about their (imaginary) sexual powers, thus gaining a point over others. But in the process, others feel miserable and incomplete.

Of course there are those who may not have much by way of natural masculinity ----- and in a level playing field would be deemed 'lesser men' ----- but who tend to garner immense social masculinity because they can 'satisfy' women.

One corollary of the false propaganda that it takes a 'real' man to have sex with a woman is that, young men who have not had sex with a woman, are easily subjugated by men who claim they have had such sex. They falsely make it into an extremely difficult thing, requiring special skills or guts, as if it is equal to climbing Mt Everest. One would wonder why a natural phenomenon should require any effort at all.


Case study

Ramesh is a timid boy studying in Class 10. There is a bully Sonu in his class who claims to have had sex with girls. Sonu keeps teasing Ramesh for no reason than that he is timid.

One day, in the presence of the others, he tells Ramesh that Ramesh will never be able to satisfy women, because to satisfy her he has to put her on 'heat'. Ramesh thinks that Sonu knows everything about sex, and believes what he says. He actually does not have a clue as to how to put a woman on 'heat'. He develops an inferiority complex. It affects his personality and self-confidence.


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Satisfying women: an elusive goal

"in India people think that mardanigi (masculinity) refers to the size of the penis"

Male-female sex, according to nature, is geared more towards procreation than towards providing sexual satisfaction to the female. By burdening the man with the responsibility of satisfying women as a prerequisite for granting social masculinity, society has given men an elusive goal that will keep him forever subjugated.

This makes men live perenially under deep seated insecurity and inferiority complex regarding their manhood ----- even though they conceal it under masks of power and aggression. It adds considerable stress to their lives. One direct fallout of this is that men develop ----- or think they develop ----- a number of sex problems. Half of these are not problems, but since they are seen as coming in the way of satisfying women, they are deemed problems (e.g. a smaller size of penis or premature ejaculation). Other problems, often falsely described as physical/medical problems, are created by the pressures of 'sex power'. There is usually nothing wrong with the sexual mechanism of the man, the problem created by his unfounded fears and stress (e.g. erectile dysfunction due to performance anxiety).



Case study

Young men in traditional India are told that if a man fails to get it up in the first night (of marriage), he would lose the 'battle' and will become a Joru ka gulaam, i.e. he will be ruled by his wife for the rest of his life.




Case study

Another common saying is that if the man is unable to satisfy his wife, she will then go to other men for sex. This is a great disgrace for any man, as it is supposed to expose his lack of mardanigi.



Numerous advertisements circulated by quacks (several paramedics and those having degrees in Ayurveda, etc. also are into this business, apart from those who are not even educated) and numerous pornographic and other sex magazines in India scare men with stupid ideas, that having sex with women is a big deal. It also adds shine to the fake power already wielded by men who have "proved their masculinity" by having sex with women.


Case study

A Hindi magazine Saras Kathayein (a cheap sex magazine, masquerading as a serious magazine on sex), in its March 2004 issue quotes a woman in one of its stories (purported to be a real account): "Mother f***, you thought you were a man ..... you burst balloon, you cannot bear the heat of a woman's body ..... you want to play with fire ..... where is your masculinity ..... come on, show your manhood!" The man in this story has tried sexual intercourse with her twice and yet has not satisfied her (it turns out that she is a lesbian). In response to the woman, he only mutters, "Sorry!"



One of the frequent queries that sexual health counsellors in India get is, "Ladki ko kaise garm kiya jaye?" (how to "heat up" a woman) meaning how to arouse her sexually. If a man can't do it, it means he lacks masculinity. Indian men are obsessed with this issue.

Things like whether the girl likes the boy or not, is ready for sex or not, are considered immaterial. The man's manhood has to take the responsibility for her failure to respond sexually. This is a good example of how successful society has been in fooling the man.

Not surprisingly, men worry a lot about their sex power. They go to great lengths to increase sex power and cure themselves of innumerable real and imaginary sex problems that keep them from satisfying women. Traditionally, medicines made out of the bones or other body parts of animals -----bones of tiger, rhinoceros' horn, oil supposed to be extracted from sanda, an Indian reptile ----- are said to increase male 'sex' power. Men are so desperate to get these things that the demand has led many of these animals close to extinction. However, these so-called medicines do not have any real curative value. Quacks fleece young men by giving them useless medicines for sex problems. Some of these medicines can even prove harmful.



Case study

Sudeep comes from a lower middle class family. He is so stressed because of his nocturnal emissions (nightfall) that he has spent Rs.20,000 for medicines that he has bought from a quack to cure him. The problem persists.




Case study

Rajiv is 27-years-old. When he was 17, misguided by propaganda, he took homeopathy medicines from a quack to 'treat' his nocturnal emissions. It has cured his 'nightfall' but he has not produced any semen since he has taken that course, and no treatment seems to help him now.



A more disturbing trend seen lately is that several doctors with recognised degrees have started offering treatment for these so-called diseases. This, when modern science does not see them as medical problems but as psycho-sexual problems. These qualified doctors, regardless, charge heavy fees for tests and treatment.



Case study

Twenty-four-year-old Tejinder from Sonepat was heavily stressed because his family was getting him married and his sexual need was only for men. However, he was not concerned about himself but about satisfying his wife. He read an advertisement in Punjab Kesri, by a qualified doctor who had an infertility clinic in Amritsar. The doctor promised to cure homosexuality apart from nightfall and premature ejaculation.

The doctor conducted several tests on Tejinder that cost him Rs. 5,000. He was diagnosed as having low levels of testosterone, ----- which was given as the cause for his so-called homosexuality. The doctor offered to cure him for Rs.50,000. A second opinion from AIIMS, New Delhi showed that he had completely normal levels of testosterone.


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The reality about sex power

"Social masculinity has made Sex a weakness for men"

Satisfying women was cleverly made a criteria for giving social masculinity by society in order to force men to devote all their sexual energy towards servicing women ----- with procreation and raising of children in mind. However, this denotes men's enslavement, not their power.

Sex is just a natural need, like hunger and thirst. It is a pleasurable sensation and an activity which binds two people. It should only be felt. It should be experienced and enjoyed only as, when and as much as it happens naturally.

Tying sex with power has made sexual feelings and sex a burden for most men. It is not something they can sit back and experience. Their worth now depends on how well they can satisfy and please women. As if they are women's slaves. Men worry endlessly whether they will be able to fulfil this requirement, to gain the honour of being called 'real men'. As if to prove their foolishness, men compete with each other, flaunting their sexual behaviour as a power assertion.

It is absurd that masculinity and the worth of a man depend on whether or not he can empty himself into a vagina. This so-called power comes cheap and undeserved. You do not need to possess any special masculine qualities to achieve this. It is no big feat, and a cheap way of evaluating a man's worth.

It does not take anything to have penetrative sex with a woman, if desire is present. This desire has nothing to do with masculinity. Sex is a natural phenomenon. If you do it according to your inner needs, you don't need any skills. It happens by itself. Sex should have been one of the easiest things on earth to do and to enjoy. It has been rendered neither, thanks to social masculinity.

Far from being a power, sexual need in reality has been made into the biggest weakening factor for men. Women, especially sexually aggressive women, are aware of this area of man's (social) vulnerability and the real power it gives to women. They are not averse to use it against men, to control them. They demand sexual gratification from unwilling men, making them feel guilty if they don't comply. They humiliate men in order to control them by referring to their inability to 'satisfy' them. Women have been given the power to make or disqualify a man.

Social masculinity actually takes away men's sex power. Power and slavery do not go together.

The 'power' is a sham. The 'slavery' is real.

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