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THE MYTH OF SEX POWER
"Sex is not a power, it's a need" One of the biggest ironies of social manhood is that while it is made out that men's sexual drive is their power, it actually subjugates them: outwardly to women, but actually to social norms. Men are granted so much social power for proving/pretending they can satisfy women that the sex act with women in itself has come to symbolise power. So much so that the word for masculinity in Hindi, mardanigi, has become a synonym for sex power. If you talk about mardanigi, people think you are talking about the 'power' (sic) to satisfy women or even about the length of the penis. The media and popular culture further complicate matters by giving false images of male sexual 'prowess'. Since men cannot reach those absurd standards, they end up developing complexes that affect their personality and sexual relationships. Then there are those who end up bragging about their (imaginary) sexual powers, thus gaining a point over others. But in the process, others feel miserable and incomplete. Of course there are those who may not have much by way of natural masculinity ----- and in a level playing field would be deemed 'lesser men' ----- but who tend to garner immense social masculinity because they can 'satisfy' women. One corollary of the false propaganda that it takes a 'real' man to have sex with a woman is that, young men who have not had sex with a woman, are easily subjugated by men who claim they have had such sex. They falsely make it into an extremely difficult thing, requiring special skills or guts, as if it is equal to climbing Mt Everest. One would wonder why a natural phenomenon should require any effort at all.
Satisfying women: an elusive goal "in India people think that mardanigi (masculinity) refers to the size of the penis" Male-female sex, according to nature, is geared more towards procreation than towards providing sexual satisfaction to the female. By burdening the man with the responsibility of satisfying women as a prerequisite for granting social masculinity, society has given men an elusive goal that will keep him forever subjugated. This makes men live perenially under deep seated insecurity and inferiority complex regarding their manhood ----- even though they conceal it under masks of power and aggression. It adds considerable stress to their lives. One direct fallout of this is that men develop ----- or think they develop ----- a number of sex problems. Half of these are not problems, but since they are seen as coming in the way of satisfying women, they are deemed problems (e.g. a smaller size of penis or premature ejaculation). Other problems, often falsely described as physical/medical problems, are created by the pressures of 'sex power'. There is usually nothing wrong with the sexual mechanism of the man, the problem created by his unfounded fears and stress (e.g. erectile dysfunction due to performance anxiety).
Numerous advertisements circulated by quacks (several paramedics and those having degrees in Ayurveda, etc. also are into this business, apart from those who are not even educated) and numerous pornographic and other sex magazines in India scare men with stupid ideas, that having sex with women is a big deal. It also adds shine to the fake power already wielded by men who have "proved their masculinity" by having sex with women.
One of the frequent queries that sexual health counsellors in India get is, "Ladki ko kaise garm kiya jaye?" (how to "heat up" a woman) meaning how to arouse her sexually. If a man can't do it, it means he lacks masculinity. Indian men are obsessed with this issue. Things like whether the girl likes the boy or not, is ready for sex or not, are considered immaterial. The man's manhood has to take the responsibility for her failure to respond sexually. This is a good example of how successful society has been in fooling the man. Not surprisingly, men worry a lot about their sex power. They go to great lengths to increase sex power and cure themselves of innumerable real and imaginary sex problems that keep them from satisfying women. Traditionally, medicines made out of the bones or other body parts of animals -----bones of tiger, rhinoceros' horn, oil supposed to be extracted from sanda, an Indian reptile ----- are said to increase male 'sex' power. Men are so desperate to get these things that the demand has led many of these animals close to extinction. However, these so-called medicines do not have any real curative value. Quacks fleece young men by giving them useless medicines for sex problems. Some of these medicines can even prove harmful.
A more disturbing trend seen lately is that several doctors with recognised degrees have started offering treatment for these so-called diseases. This, when modern science does not see them as medical problems but as psycho-sexual problems. These qualified doctors, regardless, charge heavy fees for tests and treatment.
"Social masculinity has made Sex a weakness for men" Satisfying women was cleverly made a criteria for giving social masculinity by society in order to force men to devote all their sexual energy towards servicing women ----- with procreation and raising of children in mind. However, this denotes men's enslavement, not their power. Sex is just a natural need, like hunger and thirst. It is a pleasurable sensation and an activity which binds two people. It should only be felt. It should be experienced and enjoyed only as, when and as much as it happens naturally. Tying sex with power has made sexual feelings and sex a burden for most men. It is not something they can sit back and experience. Their worth now depends on how well they can satisfy and please women. As if they are women's slaves. Men worry endlessly whether they will be able to fulfil this requirement, to gain the honour of being called 'real men'. As if to prove their foolishness, men compete with each other, flaunting their sexual behaviour as a power assertion. It is absurd that masculinity and the worth of a man depend on whether or not he can empty himself into a vagina. This so-called power comes cheap and undeserved. You do not need to possess any special masculine qualities to achieve this. It is no big feat, and a cheap way of evaluating a man's worth. It does not take anything to have penetrative sex with a woman, if desire is present. This desire has nothing to do with masculinity. Sex is a natural phenomenon. If you do it according to your inner needs, you don't need any skills. It happens by itself. Sex should have been one of the easiest things on earth to do and to enjoy. It has been rendered neither, thanks to social masculinity. Far from being a power, sexual need in reality has been made into the biggest weakening factor for men. Women, especially sexually aggressive women, are aware of this area of man's (social) vulnerability and the real power it gives to women. They are not averse to use it against men, to control them. They demand sexual gratification from unwilling men, making them feel guilty if they don't comply. They humiliate men in order to control them by referring to their inability to 'satisfy' them. Women have been given the power to make or disqualify a man. Social masculinity actually takes away men's sex power. Power and slavery do not go together. The 'power' is a sham. The 'slavery' is real.
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